This word you are using, "service," I do not think it means what you think it means.

Is there anything more useless on the planet than the Post Office's package tracking? Whenever I have the choice, I have packages shipped via any other carrier, but I don't always have the choice and so I have a fair amount of experience with USPS package delivery. I have never, ever, ever, ever had a package go past the "Electronic Shipping Info Received" stage of the tracking process, EVEN AFTER IT'S BEEN DELIVERED. Jerks.

Random TV thoughts

• I really, really, really hope Kevin Federline wasn't taking notes on last week's episode of Law & Order.
  
• Following the recent cast purge, are there any SNL cast members beside Darrel Hammond left who aren't covered by the new, more restrictive contracts instituted a few years ago?
  
• I enjoy Scrubs but can't stand the whiny Elliot Reed or the butterfaced (in the more literal sense of the word, i.e., her face sort of looks like it's made of butter) Sarah Chalke, the actress who plays her. Watching Without A Trace last night, I wish they'd cast Poppy Montgomery in the role instead.
  
• Heroes isn't going to be very good at all, is it?
  
• But it will still probably be better than the new season of Smallville.
  
• The Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo movie was a much better ending for the series than was the strangely melancholy actual final episode of the show. But how do you make a Teen Titans movie without including an unadulterated version of that awesome theme music?
  
• Thank God we don't have to see Gil Grissom's weird, immaculately manscaped facial hair any more on CSI. What was up with that?
  
• We're now up to three shows a week where we have to record whatever comes after them to make sure we can see the whole episode. Two of these are due to the perversities of network programmers; the third is because of football. Why is that sport, alone among them, allowed to run over its alloted time on a routine basis? Jerks.
  

It is, however, rainy and miserable in Minneapolis.

Get well, Roger!

Why don't you stop by the Get Well, Roger project and offer Roger Ebert a thumbs-up to good health?

Malcom Gladwell (hearts) Donna Martin.

The producers of Smallville have, I think, finally found my tipping point after two seasons of trying.

Presents!

Tucked in among the rest of DC's solicitations for December is this:

SUPERMAN: BACK IN ACTION TP
Written by Kurt Busiek, Fabian Nicieiza, Len Wein and Gerry Conway
Art by Pete Woods and José Luis García-López
Cover by Dave Gibbons
Collecting ACTION COMICS 841-843! An alien race is collecting unique specimens from Earth— and the Man of Steel is first on the list! Plus,Kurt Busiek introduces stories from DC COMICS PRESENTS #4, #17 and #24! Guest-starring Nightwing, Aquaman, Firestorm, the Metal Men, Deadman and more!

If you've gotta pad out a trade collection to justify its publication, Bronze Age Superman reprints drawn by the masterful Jose-Luis Garcia-Lopez are far from the worst you can do, especially if you get them from a fun comic like DC Comics Presents. I'm not sure ANYTHING from that series has ever been collected other than the New Teen Titans preview that ran in #26. This will tide me over until the day we get a big fat black and white reprint edition of DC SHOWCASE PRESENTS DC COMICS PRESENTS...

The Greatest Movie Never Made

"The Warriors Meet Blacula."

Discuss.

TV helps your brain!

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or horrified to see that I'm not the only person who beat House to a diagnosis last night thanks to watching too much CSI.

Insomnia + Public Access Television

Last night (OK, this morning) I was channel surfing and came across the following:

• An excerpt from The Warriors in which the titular, not-at-all-homoerotic gang fights the Baseball Furies;
  
• A cut to the "set" of a cable access talk show;
  
• The host, speaking in a melange of Minn-e-SOH-tah and Chicago accents, announcing, "I shit you not, this movie caused RIOTS all over the country. I saw it at the old Skyway. Joining us now is reknowned power lifter Peter Hoecherl, who also sculpts gargoyles."
  

And after that I was able to fall asleep.