Thank you for not trying to take away my Tastykakes, which would have forced me to go all sippy-cup on your asses.
~
Dear lackwit parents who, having made a big show of telling your children to speak softly out of consideration of the other passengers on our plane, proceeded to demonstrate that those remonstrations had all of the weight of Soviet protections of individual rights by ignoring your children's shrieking and then taking out a laptop and playing insipid videos for them WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF HEADPHONES, thus forcing everyone in the vicinity to listen to it whether we wanted to or not,
F*** you.
F*** you rotten.
P.S. If you can afford air travel, you can afford this.
P.P.S. Why did you name one of your daughters after Elizabeth Berkeley's character from Showgirls?
~
Dear Senator McGovern,
In a just world President Gore would happily lend you, as an esteemed former president, Air Force One whenever you traveled between DC and the Midwest. Sadly, we pretty clearly do not live in such a world. It was still fantastic to meet you.
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