Monday, January 12, 2004

Scenes from the loading zone of Home Depot just before closing on a Friday night:

  • An ancient little pickup truck -- remember the Eastern Bloc used car Homer Simpson test drove once? That ran on kerosene? "Put it in H! Put it in H!" This was its older brother -- driven by two strung-out freaks who insisted to the Home Depot mini-forklift operator that, yeah, man, it could handle that stack of cinderblocks. Said cinderblocks caused the truck's frame to creak and sag and, I suspect, to eventually break about five miles down the road.
    The truck also had no gate on the back of the bed, just a piece of board with a sticler reading "I love my co-op." Yeah, and I bet your co-op's going to love you when a cinderblock slides off of the stack and through the front window and knocks over this week's patchouli display.
  • A him-and-her pair of geniuses sliding eight sheets of drywall into the back of his pickup. That's not so bad, except that the sheets were longer than the bed of the pickup, so they put the gate up and just sorta RESTED the drywall on top of it at a fairly steep angle. I can see it now: "Hey, you got your cinderblocks in my drywall!" "You got your drywall in my cinderblocks!" Together "MMMMM!"
  • Two guys and a girl sliding carpet into a pickup -- funny, dat, how all these involve pickups -- THROUGH the back window of the cab, over the bed of the truck, and just resting it on the gate, with one whole piece of twine holding it in place.

In other words, none of these genuises were as smart as this guy:

But at least I didn't see this.

You know, I don't claim to be Hank Hill, Tim Allen, or even Xander Harris when it comes to home repair. Sure, I know my way around painting and spackling and sanding. But the most important thing I know is that WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING, YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO DOES.

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