24: If it's an even-numbered season, we must be invoking the 25th Amendment

Last night, 24 once again went to the 25th amendment well to add some tension to the politcal side of its drama. They did this in the second season -- devoting an episode to the "trial of David Palmer" and several subsequent episodes to the first President Palmer's efforts to regain the authority of his office, and less dramatically in the fourth, when the 25th amendment was used after an attack on Air Force One left President Keeler incapacitated. I understand why the producers keep doing to this -- it creates drama and tension and puts the president in non-physical jeopardy. But it's been used so often the series has started to suffer from musical chief executives -- the America of 24 has had six men serving as president in the nine years that have elapsed, show-time, since the first season: The unseen and unnamed season 1 president, David Palmer, John Keeler, Charles Logan, Hal Gardner, and now Wayne Palmer. If the creators of the show want to create drama by throwing the leadership of the executive branch into chaos, there are other, more creative ways to do so.

One simple way to achive this would have been to set this season on the day of Wayne Palmer's inauguration. We could have seen outgoing President Gardner trying to deal with whatever crisis was fomenting even as he prepares to leave office, tension between Gardner's national security staff and Palmer's people, and an untested president thrust into a major crisis minutes after his inaugural address. Unfortunately, this device isn't likely to be used anytime soon, since this season is set very early in the Wayne Palmer presidency, and setting next season nearly a full presidential term after this one would add even more years to the bloated 24 timeline and give us a Jack Bauer who's pushing 50.

Another, more dramatic way to do it would be to somehow cut off the main players in the political drama from the rest of the world -- for instance, an attack that isolates them in the White House bunker and leaves everyone outside uncertain about whether anyone trapped within is still alive. We could then have a low-level Cabinet secretary (say, the Secretary of Agriculture) forced to act as president for a few hours. Or take it a step further -- kill off or incapacitate the entire Cabinet and we're suddenly in the shadowy world of the continuity of government program, the rumored list of non-elected officials designated to take over government functions in the event of a catastrophic attack. It wouldn't even take too much narrative juggling to put someone like disgraced ex-president Charles Logan on the list.

My point is simply this: There are lots of ways to create tension and drama over the question of who's in charge without doing Yet Another 25th Amendment Plot. I think doing so would make for more dramatic and exciting television and help the show avoid the feeling that it's repeating the same handful of plot developments over and over.

You know who you are.

Slings & Arrows

If you've ever spent a lot of time in a theatre, Slings & Arrows -- the Canadian drama set behind the scenes of a theatre festival -- will instantly bring to mind everything that goes with it: Histrionic actors, craven administrators, ill-starred and fleeting romantic liaisons, endless budget crises, infuriating productions meetings, profound levels of sleeplessness, the endless race against the clock, the stress of opening nights...

If you've ever spent a lot of time in a theatre, Slings & Arrows will make you deeply, deeply homesick.

Still more comics journalism that sucks

From Newsarama's front-page blurb about DC's Blue Beetle series:

Despite the odds and naysayers, DC's Blue Beetle keeps gaining fans as it moves into its second year.

From this analysis of DC's month-to-month sales at another site:

03/2006: Blue Beetle #1 — 50,678 [69,752]
04/2006: Blue Beetle #2 — 43,770 (-13.6%) [50,190]
05/2006: Blue Beetle #3 — 41,711 (- 4.7%)
06/2006: Blue Beetle #4 — 38,622 (- 7.4%)
07/2006: Blue Beetle #5 — 35,490 (- 8.1%)
08/2006: Blue Beetle #6 — 33,181 (- 6.5%)
09/2006: Blue Beetle #7 — 29,079 (-12.4%)
10/2006: –
11/2006: Blue Beetle #8 — 25,861 (-11.1%)
11/2006: Blue Beetle #9 — 23,785 (- 8.0%)
12/2006: Blue Beetle #10 — 21,358 (-10.2%)
01/2007: Blue Beetle #11 — 19,865 (- 7.0%)

Alias Shazam?

Is it just me, or does this Mary Marvel action figure kinda look like Jennifer Garner?

Jack, Jack, Jack, season's off track...

As much as I continue to enjoy 24, I have to admit that this week's sequence of Jack Bauer trying to steer the nuclear warhead-laden drone plane away from its intended target was like something out of Bloo's movie trailer.



Oh: Posting status is now upgraded to "intermittent."

I did not know that.

The Bill Richardson campaign just sent me a mass e-mail from former Kennedy/Johnson-era Interior Secretary Stewart Udall. My reaction to which was, "Stewart Udall is STILL ALIVE?!?" Turns out he's alive, kicking, and 87. Good for him.

We now rejoin our regularly scheduled hiatus.

Powers Boothe=Fred Thompson?

Monday night's episode of 24 was part of the great softening-up to prepare us all for the specter of a Fred Thompson presidency, wasn't it?

(Still on hiatus, but it needed to be said. Also: Ricky Schroeder is sufficiently annoying that he made me forget to be annoyed by the continuing presence of Eric Balfour. I did not think that was possible. Perhaps Ricky Schroeder could join the cast of Heroes and make Milo Ventimiglia bearable next.)

Hiatus

I am swamped with work at the moment and have no idea when I'll be posting again.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

It occurs to me that Scooter Libby's indictment and conviction both took place on days that I was working from home.

I should work from home more often.

I got nuthin'

Presented without editorial comment:

Yes, that was Sen. Ted Stevens at National Airport on Sunday taking charge and flinging bags off a stalled conveyor belt to help other passengers and, of course, find his own bag. "He looked quite good and in shape for a man of 83 in the middle of the night lifting bags," said fellow traveler Joe Mendelson, who worked alongside Stevens.

When the music stopped, however, neither man had a bag. "Well, I guess we're [expletive] out of luck," the senator said.

Captain Sulu rocks the house

(Via She Who Must Be Obeyed.)

Deja vu all over again

Didn't Law & Order: No Subtitle already do a Ted Haggard episode a couple of weeks before Law & Order: Criminal Intent did one?

People I know who are running for office

Dayne Walling is running for mayor of Flint, Michigan.

Pakou Hang is running for St. Paul City Council.

Please check out their sites, and if you're a constituent, I hope you'll consider voting for them.

Our ironic cousins

Simon Pegg of Spaced and Shaun of the Dead shares some thoughts on American and British styles of humor:

It's not so much about having a different sense of humour as a different approach to life. More demonstrative than we are, Americans are not embarrassed by their emotions. They clap louder, cheer harder and empathise more unconditionally. It's an openness that always leaves me feeling slightly guilty and apologetic when American personalities appear on British chat shows and find their jokes and stories met with titters, not guffaws, or their achievements met with silent appreciation, rather than claps and yelps. We don't like them any less, we just aren't inclined to give that much of ourselves away. Meanwhile, as a Brit on an American chat show, it's difficult to endure prolonged whooping without intense, red-faced smirking.

Of course, it's the mainstream output of our respective entertainment industries that tends to shape our general opinion of each other. Ask the average American what they perceive British comedy to be and you will most likely be quoted shows such as Benny Hill and Are You Being Served? (although, thanks to BBC America, this is beginning to change). The fan demographic for both shows is markedly more diverse than in their country of origin. This is probably due to their parochial peculiarity, rather than the quality of the comedy (although both shows had their moments) and perhaps explains why the American audience took to Shaun Of The Dead with such affection. A refusal to occupy that transatlantic middle ground that sometimes scuppers British films intent on appealing in America means that the film plays as resolutely British. That approach does risk certain social and cultural references being lost in translation. But not many. The only joke in Shaun Of The Dead that never got a laugh in the States was Ed's request for a Cornetto ice cream at 8am on a Sunday morning. Overall, the cast's understated reserve in the face of flesh-eating zombies just added another layer of amusement for American viewers.

When it comes to their mainstream, America's emotional openness has often given way to a sentimentality that jars with our more guarded and cynical outlook. This is why the initially enjoyable Happy Days became blighted by saccharine lessons in family values, as Henry Winkler's originally subversive Fonzie was mercilessly appropriated by the middle-class American family, castrated by Marion Ross's Mrs Cunningham and forced to sit on it (although it's interesting to note that in outtakes from the series, Winkler and Ross would often play out an irresistible sexual tension between them with stolen gropes and kisses, solely for the enjoyment of the live studio audience, hinting at darker, more interesting themes than the show itself ever tackled). Generally speaking, sentimentality isn't easy for us. It makes us nervous and uncomfortable. We become edgy and dismissive of these brazen displays of emotion.

It just gets weirder.

Joe McDade's excellent adventure continues:

In addition to the woman near the pool, a married couple told police they had seen Mr. McDade expose and fondle his genitals.

When the wife got up from her beach chair, Mr. McDade followed her to a boardwalk that leads to the hotel and, still exposed, watched her wash her feet under a shower, the report said.

The wife told police she thought Mr. McDade was a mental patient “because he did not try to hide himself,” the report said.

First Don Sherwood, now this...

What IS it with Republicans who represented my hometown district in Congress?

February 14,2007 | SANIBEL, Fla. -- A former Pennsylvania congressman was accused Wednesday of exposing himself to two women at a beach resort.

Joseph M. McDade, 75, was issued a summons on a charge of exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor that carries up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

A court date was not immediately set.

Calls to McDade's Fairfax, Va., home and at the Washington lobbying firm where he works were not immediately returned.

Happy Valentine's Day

Celebrate with a card like this one from Polite Dissent!

And a little stuffed bull shall lead them.

Bully fixes the DC Universe.

One sign your fellowship application is going less well than it could

I just misspelled "strategery."

This week just keeps getting worse...

Kirstie Alley to star in American remake of Vicar of Dibley. (Via TV Tattle.)

Paging Dr. Spaceman! Paging Dr. Spaceman!

Space makes you CRAZY. I, for one, would welcome a kidnapping attempt by Zooey Deschanel.

(Headline courtesy of She Who Must Be Obeyed.)

When Homer met Jerry

A belated video post in honor of the late former president, who did not leave the country in worse shape than he found it. Would that we could say the same for all of his successors.

Oh, Joe.

This is probably not a good day to bring up the fact that Joe Biden and I went to the same middle school, albeit several decades apart, given his latest gaffe...though if this kills his campaign, who will fill the role of the Veteran Senator Who Does Poorly In The Primaries (cf Bob Graham, Orrin Hatch, Dick Lugar...)?

The Phantom Stranger is neither a phantom nor a stranger. Discuss.

Two truisms of teaching American politics

1. If a writing assignment requires students to research an interest group, at least one student will write about marijuana legalization, no matter how small the class is.

2. The identity of this student will never, ever come as a surprise.

St. Eligius hostage crisis ends

After nearly a month, Disc 1 of St. Elsewhere is finally on its way to us from Netflix. Yay!

For the record, our lengthy delay in getting this disc is noteworthy because it's so rare: We're still very happy with Netflix and this sort of month-long delay is not something that's ever happened to us before. There are few things in life better than movies and TV shows arriving in your mailbox several times a week.

Super-sickness

So it turns out being really, really disgustingly sick puts one in the perfect frame of mind to appreciate crazy-ass Silver Age Superman comics. There's something about being in a vaguely feverish state that makes the insane leaps of plot, logic, and characterization found in such tales seem perfectly sensible (which is slightly different from rational). Grant Morrison is right -- for all the weirdness of the storytelling and plots of these things, there's often an oddly resonant emotional core to many of them, under the high concepts and giant krytonite gorillas and Phantom Zone villains, as when Superman thinks his dead foster parents have traveled to the future to visit him in Metropolis and he's showing them around. Sometimes it just takes lots of over-the-counter cold medicine to see that.

YO! Hollywood!

When is someone going to make a movie where Owen Wilson and Dennis Hopper play the same character, Wilson in the flashbacks and Hopper in the present?

You know what's great?

Stepping onto an elevator that has a giant wet blotch that reeks of sawdust and vomit in the middle of the floor. And then riding it for 13 floors.

Art Buchwald, RIP

Take a moment and read Art Buchwald's final column, won't you?

St. Eligius held hostage, day 19

Disc 1 of St. Elsewhere is still listed as "Long Wait" at Netflix, 19 days after we added it to the queue. It's great that so many people are still interested in the show after all these years, but WTF?

Awesome.

I'll set the DVR for this:

Freshman Sen. Jim Webb will deliver the Democrats' response next Tuesday to President Bush's State of the Union address.

The selection was made Tuesday by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, said Webb spokeswoman Jessica Smith.

Webb's upset victory over Republican Sen. George Allen was the decisive race in giving the Democrats control of Congress in last year's midterm elections.

Webb will speak for about five minutes shortly after Bush's address to a joint session of Congress on Jan. 23.

UPDATE: Study up on some important facts about Jim Webb.

Reading while tired

You know you're not getting as much rest as you should when you read a headline that begins "Fire freaks out..." and think that sounds pretty cool, only to realize that the headline REALLY says "Fire breaks out..."

He's still got it

From Roger Ebert's recent update:

And I am working on the follow-up to "I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie," tentatively called, "Your Movie Sucks."

Another open letter to my fellow Netflix subscribers

Dear fellow Netflix subscribers,

Thank you for easing up on your viewings of The Wire long enough for us to get the second disc of season one. Now, I must ask, WHY ARE SO MANY OF YOU WATCHING ST. ELSEWHERE?!? The bloody show's been listed as "Long Wait" since before New Year's...

Respectfully,

Matter-Eater Lad

Googlebombing John McCain

What the hell, it worked last time:

McCain, John McCain, Senator John McCain, McCain 2008

Details here.

The title of the post I'm linking has already made the only pun possible on the name "Dodd"

Someone else asks the same questions I'm asking about Senator Christopher Dodd's heralded-by-no-one candidacy for president:

What motivates a man like Chris Dodd to throw his hat in the ring? It's a mystery. I understand why impossibles like Kucinich and Sharpton run; they're driven by causes and/or addicted to the self-promotion. Even somebody like Brownback has an outside chance of becoming the darling of his party's base. He's a missionary.

Dodd is (just) a solid, respectable senator with sensitive political antennae. Why embark on such an expensive, exhausting adventure? Maybe it's a way of announcing his availability for the VP slot. Maybe somewhere in his mind he can imagine the blindfolded, quadruple bank shot that knocks out Hillary and Edwards, keeps Gore and Obama out, gives Richardson and Biden food poisoning, and leaves the golden chalice sitting at his feet.

Astonishing Irony

Is it just me, or is it rather ironic that in the final storyarc in Astonishing X-Men -- the book that began by putting Marvel's merry mutants back into traditional super-people costumes -- nearly everyone on the team is wearing street clothes?

Overdue Twilight Zone marathon blogging...

The Sci-Fi Channel's New Year's marathon of Twilight Zone has become as much of a holiday institution as the old MST3K and X-Files marathons on Thanksgiving. If you missed it, though, here's what you missed:

• Nuclear war!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• Hitler!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• They're toys!
  
• She's a mannequin!
  
• Hitler!
  
• Irony!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Nuclear war is terrifying!
  
• It can happen here!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Hitler!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Hitler!
  

An open letter to my fellow Netflix subscribers

Dear fellow Netflix subscribers,

WHY ARE SO MANY OF YOU PICKING NOW TO START WATCHING THE WIRE?!?

All best,

Matter-Eater Lad

In honor of the new Congress...

...a nice little (NSFW) video. (Via Oliver Willis.)



And may I also say that my Congressman's kung-fu is mighty? I knew one of the fringe benefits of his election would be that it would piss off all the right people, but I didn't expect it to pay off so much so quickly.

In today's pointless video link...

...Garth Marenghi expounds on an involuntary trip to wee Glasgow toon. The more H.P. Lovecraft you've read, the funnier you'll find this.

The Wire

We finally started watching The Wire via Netflix last night. Usually, when everyone tells you how great something is, it isn't. The Wire is one of those happy and rare cases where everyone really is right. Plus you get to play "Spot the Homicide/Oz actor" in just about every scene!

D'Oh!

I probably should have mentioned that posting would be nonexistent through the holidays. We now resume our regular schedule of intermittent and haphazard postings.

Lord, deliver me from some of your believers.

Earlier this week I realized that there seemed to be far less nonsense about a "war on Christmas" this year than there was last year or the year before that. I'd started to hope that people had come to their senses, and stopped thinking that their faith's holidays were less meaningful unless validated by mighty institutions like department stores. Turns out, though, that while there's less chatter about it, the fear of a war on Christmas -- you know, the one that doesn't actually exist -- is a good way to make money from gullible saps.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

A little merry

Entertainment Weekly's look back at the history of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is interesting reading in and of itself. Suffice to say that while I'm far from the biggest fan of Christmas, this is one of a handful of Christmas songs that I genuinely like, in large part because of how it captures the melancholic ambivalence of the holiday rather than sweeping it under the rug like most holiday songs, and also because I have some fond memories associated with the song.

But the article also reminded me of something I tracked down a few weeks ago and then forgot to link to. In December of 2001, Hugh Jackman hosted Saturday Night Live and, in lieu of the traditional opening monologue, simply sang this song, with backup provided by the show's female cast members. What made the performance memorable was the context -- to sing that particular song, in New York City, just three months and a few blocks from September 11, gave it a resonance that made it genuinely unforgettable.

I scoured YouTube and peer-to-peer networks with no luck trying to find a copy to link to. But eventually I did find a Hugh Jackman fanpage that featured an abbreviated version of the audio from that performance. It's not perfect, but then, Christmas never is, is it? If you'd like to hear it, go here and scroll down past the abundant pictures of Mr. Jackman in various hair styles for a link to the mp3.

UPDATE: A more dedicated commenter than I -- or perhaps one with a higher tolerance for Hugh Jackman fan sites -- posted a link to the video of the performance in question. Not long after that, a video of it was posted to Google. Enjoy!

Metaphor of the day

From George Will's column arguing why Brack Obama should run for president in 2008 rather than waiting:

"...if you get the girl up on her tiptoes, you should kiss her."

Will goes on to say:

The electorate is on its tiptoes because Obama has collaborated with the creation of a tsunami of excitement about him. He is nearing the point when a decision against running would brand him as a tease who ungallantly toyed with the electorate's affections.

It's like every cheesy late-70s science fiction show in a minute and six seconds. In cartoon form. Starring Cartman.

I. Am. BULLETPROOF.

According to science, I will never die.

A study in contrasts

Things that are worth mutiple posts in the span of a few days: The secret origin of Frasier, via guest-postings at Ken Levine's magnificent blog.

Things that are not: Hyping the new Justice Society comic. I don't think a comic exists that's worth six puff pieces in the space of a week, even at a comics news/press-release-regurgitation site.

90210 flashback

Slate argues that the release of the first season of Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD presents an opportunity to remember how good the show was. I never actually watched a complete episode, so I can't respond to that claim. But the article made me remember how, when I arrived at college at the height of the show's popularity, you could pretty easily tell who the biggest twits were, since they all had Luke Perry's haircut and sideburns.

Crazy to the last drop

It's nice to be reminded why it's such a good thing that Rick Santorum went down in flames of humiliation last month. We are an immeasurably better, stronger, and more decent -- not to mention less embarassed -- nation now that he's on his way out of office.

Fortunately/unfortunately

Fortunately, I found an action figure of the Demon as he appeared on Justice League Unlimited while shopping for more essential goods at Target last night.

Unfortunately, the damn thing refuses to stand up. In fact, I'm rather certain that it's physically impossible for this figure to stand up.

Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut

What an odd, odd artifact. Fans of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies have heard for years about all of the footage Richard Donner shot for the sequel to his original Superman film that was cut from the film when the producers brought in Richard Lester to finish the film. Thanks to lobbying by fans and the release of Superman Returns earlier this year, Warner Brothers has done something unprecedented: They've let Donner and one of his producers put together a rough cut of the footage that was shot. The result is not quite a finished film but gives you a sense of the sequel we could have had -- essentially, it's Superman II with all of the campiness and stupid beaten out of it. And even with rough transitions, missing pickup shots and closeups, and screen test footage, it's an improvement over the version that was released; like Superman: The Movie, and unlike Lester's Superman II, the Donner cut works from within the material, rather than "above" it, and the central conceit of the Donner films -- that the relationship between Superman and Lois Lane is a tragedy, not a romance -- is much clearer here than in the released version.

It's amazing that this thing has been released -- it's not often that a piece of secret history escapes into the open.

Mitt Romney: WTF?

Can someone please explain the rationale for Mitt Romney's presidential candidacy to me?

Here's a guy whose resume consists of 1) being the son of a presidential candidate who gaffed himself out of the running in 1968; 2) losing a Senate race to Ted Kennedy in 1994; 3) running the Winter Olympics; and 4) one term as governor of Massachusetts, where he didn't seek a second for fear that he'd lose and thus torpedo his presidential ambitions (cf George Felix Allen, Jr.).

Oh, and 5) he's handsome. In a blandly inoffensive way.

I mean, that's it. Granted, my preferred candidate for 2008 was Mark Warner, himself a one-term governor, but at least in his case he was, like all Virginia governors, barred from seeking a second consecutive term -- plus he had a stratospheric approval rating, solid accomplishments in office, and rebuilt the state's Democratic party with wins by Tim Kaine in last year's governor's race and Jim Webb in this year's Senate race.

So I ask: WTF? Who is clamoring for a Romney candidacy, and what does he offer that another candidate with an actual record doesn't also bring to the table?

TiVo alert!

The third series of the insanely funny and surreal Britcom Black Books begins airing on BBC America this Friday night at 10:30 pm Central time. And now I must go buy flowers and chocolates and chocolate flowers and florettes made of chocolate...

Shelley! Shelley! Shelley!

You may recall that in Texas' 22nd Congressional district, Republican Shelley Sekula-Gibbs had to run a write-in campaign after Tom DeLay cut-and-ran from the ballot. Here's an entertaining run-down of some of the many variations on Sekula-Gibbs' name that the district's residents came up with.

Talking in front of the television set: BOSTON LEGAL edition

She Who Must Be Obeyed: How can anyone deliver that line with a straight face?

ME: WILLIAM SHATNER, that's how!

Buffy comics

I can't be the only longtime Buffy fan who's not really looking forward to the upcoming "Season 8" comics, can I? As much as I miss thge show, I don't miss the ungainly mess it had become in the latter two-thirds or so of its final season. And even if Joss reins in his worse story-telling instincts, I have a sinking feeling the new series will mainly try to shove pointless characters like Kennedy, Andrew, and the slayeretts down our throats, each and every issue...

In the words of Moe Syzlak...

...get out, and take your Sacagawea dollars with you.

Senator-elect Jim Webb of Virginia

1,000 words

I've no idea what the provenance of this image a friend sent me is. That doesn't make it any less funny.

Snark.

Best. Election day photo. Ever.

Some people are just plain stupid

For instance, a person who dresses like V and then goes to the White House.

Or a person who, on reading about someone who dresses like V and then goes to the White House, is mystified as to why anyone dressed as V by the White House would attract attention from the Secret Service.

#99

We voted early this morning; at 7:35 I was the 99th person to turn in a ballot; that suggests, based on an utterly unscientific with our 2004 voting experience, somewhat lighter turnout this year. There are many things about life in Minnesota that I find trying or irritating, but I'm very, very glad to live in a state that has clean elections and counts everyone's votes.

I realized my predictions post didn't make any calls about the final partisan breakdown in Congress. I'm going to say the Democrats get to 49 seats in the Senate and take a majority in the House with at least 228 seats.

Zinger of the day

From Slate's appreciation of Bob Barker:

It was the least stylish collection of adult humans I've seen since my last trip to Boston.

Election predictions

A few weeks ago, I made my picks in a friendly election prediction pool. Since the election is just a few days away, I thought I'd share my picks, my current thoughts about those decisions, and then, after the election, I can come back and review how I did. Here they are, broken down by type of race, with the Republican listed first in each listing.

Senate races:

AZ: Jon Kyl v. Jim Pederson
I picked Kyl and still would today, though I'd love to see this be the sleeper surprise of the election season.

CT: Alan Schlesinger v. Ned Lamont v. Joe Liberman
Sadly, I think Lieberman is still going to win this thing. Lamont doesn't seem to have gotten any traction since the primary.

FL: Harris v. Nelson
Nelson has maintained a 20-30 point lead throughout the entire campaign and could probably molest a goat on the steps of the state legislature and still win by a landslide. The only reason I included this race in the pool is because Katherine Harris losing by 20 or more points is really, really, really funny, because she is completely fucking batshit insane.

MD: Steele v. Cardin
Cardin. I just can't see Steele winning this thing, even though some polls have it tightening up.

MI: Bouchard v. Stabenow
Stabenow.

MN: Kennedy v. Klobuchar
Klobuchar. Won't even be close. The good news is that we'll be rid of Gussie Fink-Nottle's Minnesotan cousin; the bad news is that his replacement is likely to be almost as batshit fucking insane as Katherine Harris.

MO: Talent v. McCaskill
I picked Talent three weeks ago, pre-Michael J. Fox. Now I might pick McCaskill. Neither then nor now would I feel a great deal of confidence in that choice; this race has been a dead heat for so long it's agonizing just to watch. I can't imagine what it's like for the candidates.

MT: Burns v. Tester
Tester then, Tester now.

NV: Ensign v. Carter
Ensign, then and now. This would have been uphill no matter what, but Carter's hospitalization early this fall took this one way out of contention.

NJ: Kean v. Menendez
Menendez, though this one may be uncomfortably close. In any other year, Kean would probably have a real shot. But this isn't any other year.

OH: DeWine v. Brown
Brown then, Brown now. DeWine is, electorally speaking, a dead man walking.

PA: Santorum v. Casey
Casey then, Casey now. Good-bye, Ricky!

RI: Chafee v. Whitehouse
Whitehouse.

TN: Corker v. Ford
I picked Ford but I think it's increasingly unlikely that he'll win, as much as I'd like to see that. If I were making the decision with money at stake today, I'd pick Corker.

VT: Tarrant v. Sanders
Sanders then, Sanders now.

VA: Allen v. Webb
I picked Webb because I can't bring myself to vote for Allen for anything, ever. That said, I'd make the same call today and with more confidence than I did a month before election day. Fingers crossed on this one.

WA: McGavick v. Cantwell
Cantwell. And I'll use McGavick's incompetent attempt to get his skeletons out of the closet as an example of how not to inoculate voters against negative information in every political psychology class I teach until I retire.

Governors

AR: Hutchison v. Beebe
Beebe.

CA: Schwarzenegger v. Angelides
Schwarzenegger. Hell, if I lived in CA and could be reasonable sure Arnold 3.0 would stick around, I'd be tempted to vote for him.

IA: Nussle v. Culver
Culver.

MD: Ehrlich v. O'Malley
O'Malley, though with less confidence now than then.

MI: DeVos v. Granholm
Granholm, with more confidence now than then.

MN: Pawlenty v. Hatch v. Hutchinson
I think Pawlenty pulls it out, because I have no confidence in the DFL not to screw up a statewide race.

OH: Blackwell v. Strickland
Strickland. 'bye, Ken.

OR: Saxton v. Kulongoski
Kulongoski holds on.

PA: Swann v. Rendell
Rendell. Won't even be close.

RI: Carcieri v. Fogarty
Then: Fogarty. Now: Carcieri will squeak by.

SC: Sanford v. Moore
Sanford.

TX: Perry v. Bell v. Strayhorn v. Friedman
Included only for the novelty factor of Kinky Friedman. Perry.

WI: Green v. Doyle
Doyle hangs on.

House - This was a pretty nonscientific sampling of likely-to-be-close races.

CT-4: Shays v. Farrell
Farrell, more confidently now than then.

ID-1: Sali v. Grant
Grant, more confidently now than then.

IL-8: McSweeney v. Bean
Bean.

IN-2: Chocola v. Donnelly
The Count is out. Donnelly.

KY-4: Davis v. Lucas
Lucas.

MN-6: Bachman v. Wetterling
Bachman then, Bachman now, though I'm deeply unhappy about it. Wetterling couldn't capitalize on the Foley scandal hard enough to win this.

NC-11: Taylor v. Shuler
Shuler wins something for once. More confidence now than then.

NY-26: Reynolds v. Davis
I picked Davis at the height of Foley. Had I done more research, I would have found out that Davis is a 73-year-old ex-Republican who refuses to campaign or advertise. Reynolds holds on.

PA-7: Weldon v. Sestak
Crazy Curt is toast. And that's deeply satisfying on a personal level.

PA-10: Sherwood v. Carney
The Scranton Strangler is gone. Carney then, Carney now.

We'll see how I did Tuesday night into Wednesday morning.

Always remember (#2 in a series) ...

...it's funny when bad things happen to bad people.

Hey, Beavis, check this out!

I wonder if this traveling exhibit will be coming to town?

Airplane carry-on regulations, made by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

Does this mean I can fucking bring my fucking shampoo onto a fucking airplane without having some fucking TSA goon paw through my fucking bag looking for contraband liquids, gels, and emulsions that can't blow up an airplane in the first place now?

1

Via TV Tattle comes news that Eddie Izzard has quit 24 after one day of filming. If this is a trend, can the annoying and pointless Eric Balfour quit next? What, were the producers thinking that there were so many unanswered questions and dangling plotlines from the handful of episodes his character was in during Season 1 that he had to be brought back to stave off a fan revolt?

Halloween at stately Matter-Eater Manor

1. Either I or She Who Must Be Obeyed says, "Frak! It's October 31st and we didn't buy any candy!"

2. The person who did not say, "Frak! It's October 31st and we didn't buy any candy!" runs outside to remove the bulb from the front porch light to deter trick-or-treaters.

3. Hide in the back part of the house to minimize any signs of life that might encourage trick-or-treaters.

Every. Damn. Year.

Two Georges

George Will on George Felix Allen:

...Allen, who makes no secret of finding life as a senator tedious, is fighting ferociously for another term, a fate from which his Democratic opponent, Jim Webb, is close to rescuing him. As a result, Allen is dabbling in literary criticism. He has read, or someone has read for him, at least some of Webb's six fine novels, finding therein sexual passages that have caused Allen -- he of the football metaphors, cowboy regalia and Copenhagen smokeless tobacco -- to blush like a fictional Victorian maiden and fulminate like an actual Victorian man, Anthony Comstock, the 19th-century scourge of sin who successfully agitated for New York and federal anti-obscenity statutes and is credited with the destruction of 160 tons of naughty printed matter and pictures.

Webb, a highly decorated Marine veteran of Vietnam combat, includes sexual scenes in his fictional depictions of young men far from home and close to combat, something about which he knows a lot and Allen does not.

Two thoughts on Weeds

1. I've never actually been high, but I imagine it's not unlike watching Weeds: You find yourself vaugely dissociated from what's occuring around you, wondering what just happened, and willing to accept just about anything as plausible.

2. Why couldn't Zooey Deschanel have kidnapped ME when I was 12?

Always remember...

...Katherine Harris is batshit fucking insane.

Dueling videos

Which do you prefer, the original "Come On, Eileen" as recorded by Dexy's Midnight Runners...



...or this cover by the ironically named Save Ferris?

Style guide for college writing

At no point should any of the following words appear in your papers:

• douchebag
  
• bullshit
  
• shitting
  

That is all.

Delayed gratification

Me on my way to the comics shop last Wednesday:

"If something happens, and I don't make it back (and here the reader must imagine the expression this statement evoked from She Who Must Be Obeyed), bury me with Seven Soldiers #1."

Fortunately, nothing happened and I read it that evening. And, yeah, the book was just. That. Good.

2002 vs. 2006

I've been waiting for someone to make this comparison:

Let's compare midterm cycles. In 2002, Bush did 71 fundraising events; this year he's done 67. Pretty close, obviously. The difference, however, is that reporters and photographers were barred from just three of these events in 2002, while this year, 33 fundraisers have been closed to the press, including a Republican National Committee dinner last night in Boca Raton, Fla.

In 2002, Bush took part in 32 voter rallies at airports and sports arenas. This year, he's attended one, in Utah, and it was a non-political event on behalf of U.S. troops.

In 2002, Bush attended 12 public rallies. This year, he's attended zero.

Googlebombing the election

Let's strike a blow for liberty, shall we?

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl

--AZ-01: Rick Renzi

--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth

--CA-04: John Doolittle

--CA-11: Richard Pombo

--CA-50: Brian Bilbray

--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave

--CO-05: Doug Lamborn

--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell

--CT-04: Christopher Shays

--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan

--FL-16: Joe Negron

--FL-22: Clay Shaw

--ID-01: Bill Sali

--IL-06: Peter Roskam

--IL-10: Mark Kirk

--IL-14: Dennis Hastert

--IN-02: Chris Chocola

--IN-08: John Hostettler

--IA-01: Mike Whalen

--KS-02: Jim Ryun

--KY-03: Anne Northup

--KY-04: Geoff Davis

--MD-Sen: Michael Steele

--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht

--MN-06: Michele Bachmann

--MO-Sen: Jim Talent

--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns

--NV-03: Jon Porter

--NH-02: Charlie Bass

--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson

--NM-01: Heather Wilson

--NY-03: Peter King

--NY-20: John Sweeney

--NY-26: Tom Reynolds

--NY-29: Randy Kuhl

--NC-08: Robin Hayes

--NC-11: Charles Taylor

--OH-01: Steve Chabot

--OH-02: Jean Schmidt

--OH-15: Deborah Pryce

--OH-18: Joy Padgett

--PA-04: Melissa Hart

--PA-07: Curt Weldon

--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick

--PA-10: Don Sherwood

--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee

--TN-Sen: Bob Corker

--VA-Sen: George Allen

--VA-10: Frank Wolf

--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick

--WA-08: Dave Reichert



Go here if this has you scratching your head.

Is this mashed-up "interview" with Ken Blackwell...

A) horrendously unfair;
B) horrendously funny;
C) all of the above?



I can't make up my mind between B and C...

I actually spit soda on my monitor when I read #11.

I thought that was the kind of thing people joked about without it ever actually happening. Anyway, here are the 12 best movie pitches ever, via kottke.

Not dead yet.

Though from the frequency of posting lately, I'd understand why you might think that...

Two years later

It was two years ago today that we lost Christopher Reeve. So take a moment and read Lance Mannion's tribute, won't you?

Trapped in the closet 2: Closet boogaloo

Jeb Bush, why you in the closet?

Right hand, meet left hand

I really don't think the Washington Post intended this headline to run with that picture and logline:

Yeah, I can live with this result.

You scored as The Ninth Doctor (Christoper Eccleston). You liked the Ninth Doctor the most. You may be new to Dr Who, but you like what you've seen so far. Hoorah for Russell T Davies! The Ninth Doctor (Christoper Eccleston) 81% The Sixth Doctor (Colin Baker) 63% The Eighth Doctor (Paul McGann) 56% The First Doctor (William Hartnell) 50% The Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) 38% The Second Doctor (Patrick Troughton) 31% The Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee) 25% The Seventh Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) 25% The Fifth Doctor (Peter Davidson) 19% Which Doctor Who are you? created with QuizFarm.com

People scare me.

For no good reason whatsoever, I did a search on YouTube for a clip from the Simpsons episode in which Marge imagines Catholic Heaven -- a magical realm where Irish, Italian, and Latino folks hang out with Jesus drinking, dancing, and eating for all of eternity. Nothing came up for "catholic heaven" so I searched for "simpsons heaven."

What did I find? Not the object of my search. Just a 22-second video of Ashlee Simpson, barefoot, on 7th Heaven, which apparently does something for some folks. Creepy.

But not as creepy as the fact that it's fourth in a series of such videos. Who knew?

It's alive

Dennis Hastert really does look just like one of Ralph Steadman's more revolting cartoons come to life, doesn't he?

Weird.

Our cable carries about a dozen different Showtime channels. Late yesterday afternoon, three of them were airing Jena Malone movies, and she was playing a pregnant teenager in two of them. Weird.

This word you are using, "service," I do not think it means what you think it means.

Is there anything more useless on the planet than the Post Office's package tracking? Whenever I have the choice, I have packages shipped via any other carrier, but I don't always have the choice and so I have a fair amount of experience with USPS package delivery. I have never, ever, ever, ever had a package go past the "Electronic Shipping Info Received" stage of the tracking process, EVEN AFTER IT'S BEEN DELIVERED. Jerks.

Random TV thoughts

• I really, really, really hope Kevin Federline wasn't taking notes on last week's episode of Law & Order.
  
• Following the recent cast purge, are there any SNL cast members beside Darrel Hammond left who aren't covered by the new, more restrictive contracts instituted a few years ago?
  
• I enjoy Scrubs but can't stand the whiny Elliot Reed or the butterfaced (in the more literal sense of the word, i.e., her face sort of looks like it's made of butter) Sarah Chalke, the actress who plays her. Watching Without A Trace last night, I wish they'd cast Poppy Montgomery in the role instead.
  
• Heroes isn't going to be very good at all, is it?
  
• But it will still probably be better than the new season of Smallville.
  
• The Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo movie was a much better ending for the series than was the strangely melancholy actual final episode of the show. But how do you make a Teen Titans movie without including an unadulterated version of that awesome theme music?
  
• Thank God we don't have to see Gil Grissom's weird, immaculately manscaped facial hair any more on CSI. What was up with that?
  
• We're now up to three shows a week where we have to record whatever comes after them to make sure we can see the whole episode. Two of these are due to the perversities of network programmers; the third is because of football. Why is that sport, alone among them, allowed to run over its alloted time on a routine basis? Jerks.
  

It is, however, rainy and miserable in Minneapolis.

Get well, Roger!

Why don't you stop by the Get Well, Roger project and offer Roger Ebert a thumbs-up to good health?

Malcom Gladwell (hearts) Donna Martin.

The producers of Smallville have, I think, finally found my tipping point after two seasons of trying.

Presents!

Tucked in among the rest of DC's solicitations for December is this:

SUPERMAN: BACK IN ACTION TP
Written by Kurt Busiek, Fabian Nicieiza, Len Wein and Gerry Conway
Art by Pete Woods and José Luis García-López
Cover by Dave Gibbons
Collecting ACTION COMICS 841-843! An alien race is collecting unique specimens from Earth— and the Man of Steel is first on the list! Plus,Kurt Busiek introduces stories from DC COMICS PRESENTS #4, #17 and #24! Guest-starring Nightwing, Aquaman, Firestorm, the Metal Men, Deadman and more!

If you've gotta pad out a trade collection to justify its publication, Bronze Age Superman reprints drawn by the masterful Jose-Luis Garcia-Lopez are far from the worst you can do, especially if you get them from a fun comic like DC Comics Presents. I'm not sure ANYTHING from that series has ever been collected other than the New Teen Titans preview that ran in #26. This will tide me over until the day we get a big fat black and white reprint edition of DC SHOWCASE PRESENTS DC COMICS PRESENTS...

The Greatest Movie Never Made

"The Warriors Meet Blacula."

Discuss.

TV helps your brain!

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or horrified to see that I'm not the only person who beat House to a diagnosis last night thanks to watching too much CSI.

Insomnia + Public Access Television

Last night (OK, this morning) I was channel surfing and came across the following:

• An excerpt from The Warriors in which the titular, not-at-all-homoerotic gang fights the Baseball Furies;
  
• A cut to the "set" of a cable access talk show;
  
• The host, speaking in a melange of Minn-e-SOH-tah and Chicago accents, announcing, "I shit you not, this movie caused RIOTS all over the country. I saw it at the old Skyway. Joining us now is reknowned power lifter Peter Hoecherl, who also sculpts gargoyles."
  

And after that I was able to fall asleep.