Another open letter to my fellow Netflix subscribers

Dear fellow Netflix subscribers,

Thank you for easing up on your viewings of The Wire long enough for us to get the second disc of season one. Now, I must ask, WHY ARE SO MANY OF YOU WATCHING ST. ELSEWHERE?!? The bloody show's been listed as "Long Wait" since before New Year's...

Respectfully,

Matter-Eater Lad

Googlebombing John McCain

What the hell, it worked last time:

McCain, John McCain, Senator John McCain, McCain 2008

Details here.

The title of the post I'm linking has already made the only pun possible on the name "Dodd"

Someone else asks the same questions I'm asking about Senator Christopher Dodd's heralded-by-no-one candidacy for president:

What motivates a man like Chris Dodd to throw his hat in the ring? It's a mystery. I understand why impossibles like Kucinich and Sharpton run; they're driven by causes and/or addicted to the self-promotion. Even somebody like Brownback has an outside chance of becoming the darling of his party's base. He's a missionary.

Dodd is (just) a solid, respectable senator with sensitive political antennae. Why embark on such an expensive, exhausting adventure? Maybe it's a way of announcing his availability for the VP slot. Maybe somewhere in his mind he can imagine the blindfolded, quadruple bank shot that knocks out Hillary and Edwards, keeps Gore and Obama out, gives Richardson and Biden food poisoning, and leaves the golden chalice sitting at his feet.

Astonishing Irony

Is it just me, or is it rather ironic that in the final storyarc in Astonishing X-Men -- the book that began by putting Marvel's merry mutants back into traditional super-people costumes -- nearly everyone on the team is wearing street clothes?

Overdue Twilight Zone marathon blogging...

The Sci-Fi Channel's New Year's marathon of Twilight Zone has become as much of a holiday institution as the old MST3K and X-Files marathons on Thanksgiving. If you missed it, though, here's what you missed:

• Nuclear war!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• Hitler!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• They're toys!
  
• She's a mannequin!
  
• Hitler!
  
• Irony!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Nuclear war is terrifying!
  
• It can happen here!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• The past was a better place!
  
• Hitler!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Nuclear war!
  
• The monsters are human beings!
  
• Hitler!
  

An open letter to my fellow Netflix subscribers

Dear fellow Netflix subscribers,

WHY ARE SO MANY OF YOU PICKING NOW TO START WATCHING THE WIRE?!?

All best,

Matter-Eater Lad

In honor of the new Congress...

...a nice little (NSFW) video. (Via Oliver Willis.)



And may I also say that my Congressman's kung-fu is mighty? I knew one of the fringe benefits of his election would be that it would piss off all the right people, but I didn't expect it to pay off so much so quickly.

In today's pointless video link...

...Garth Marenghi expounds on an involuntary trip to wee Glasgow toon. The more H.P. Lovecraft you've read, the funnier you'll find this.

The Wire

We finally started watching The Wire via Netflix last night. Usually, when everyone tells you how great something is, it isn't. The Wire is one of those happy and rare cases where everyone really is right. Plus you get to play "Spot the Homicide/Oz actor" in just about every scene!

D'Oh!

I probably should have mentioned that posting would be nonexistent through the holidays. We now resume our regular schedule of intermittent and haphazard postings.

Lord, deliver me from some of your believers.

Earlier this week I realized that there seemed to be far less nonsense about a "war on Christmas" this year than there was last year or the year before that. I'd started to hope that people had come to their senses, and stopped thinking that their faith's holidays were less meaningful unless validated by mighty institutions like department stores. Turns out, though, that while there's less chatter about it, the fear of a war on Christmas -- you know, the one that doesn't actually exist -- is a good way to make money from gullible saps.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

A little merry

Entertainment Weekly's look back at the history of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is interesting reading in and of itself. Suffice to say that while I'm far from the biggest fan of Christmas, this is one of a handful of Christmas songs that I genuinely like, in large part because of how it captures the melancholic ambivalence of the holiday rather than sweeping it under the rug like most holiday songs, and also because I have some fond memories associated with the song.

But the article also reminded me of something I tracked down a few weeks ago and then forgot to link to. In December of 2001, Hugh Jackman hosted Saturday Night Live and, in lieu of the traditional opening monologue, simply sang this song, with backup provided by the show's female cast members. What made the performance memorable was the context -- to sing that particular song, in New York City, just three months and a few blocks from September 11, gave it a resonance that made it genuinely unforgettable.

I scoured YouTube and peer-to-peer networks with no luck trying to find a copy to link to. But eventually I did find a Hugh Jackman fanpage that featured an abbreviated version of the audio from that performance. It's not perfect, but then, Christmas never is, is it? If you'd like to hear it, go here and scroll down past the abundant pictures of Mr. Jackman in various hair styles for a link to the mp3.

UPDATE: A more dedicated commenter than I -- or perhaps one with a higher tolerance for Hugh Jackman fan sites -- posted a link to the video of the performance in question. Not long after that, a video of it was posted to Google. Enjoy!

Metaphor of the day

From George Will's column arguing why Brack Obama should run for president in 2008 rather than waiting:

"...if you get the girl up on her tiptoes, you should kiss her."

Will goes on to say:

The electorate is on its tiptoes because Obama has collaborated with the creation of a tsunami of excitement about him. He is nearing the point when a decision against running would brand him as a tease who ungallantly toyed with the electorate's affections.

It's like every cheesy late-70s science fiction show in a minute and six seconds. In cartoon form. Starring Cartman.

I. Am. BULLETPROOF.

According to science, I will never die.

A study in contrasts

Things that are worth mutiple posts in the span of a few days: The secret origin of Frasier, via guest-postings at Ken Levine's magnificent blog.

Things that are not: Hyping the new Justice Society comic. I don't think a comic exists that's worth six puff pieces in the space of a week, even at a comics news/press-release-regurgitation site.

90210 flashback

Slate argues that the release of the first season of Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD presents an opportunity to remember how good the show was. I never actually watched a complete episode, so I can't respond to that claim. But the article made me remember how, when I arrived at college at the height of the show's popularity, you could pretty easily tell who the biggest twits were, since they all had Luke Perry's haircut and sideburns.

Crazy to the last drop

It's nice to be reminded why it's such a good thing that Rick Santorum went down in flames of humiliation last month. We are an immeasurably better, stronger, and more decent -- not to mention less embarassed -- nation now that he's on his way out of office.

Fortunately/unfortunately

Fortunately, I found an action figure of the Demon as he appeared on Justice League Unlimited while shopping for more essential goods at Target last night.

Unfortunately, the damn thing refuses to stand up. In fact, I'm rather certain that it's physically impossible for this figure to stand up.

Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut

What an odd, odd artifact. Fans of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies have heard for years about all of the footage Richard Donner shot for the sequel to his original Superman film that was cut from the film when the producers brought in Richard Lester to finish the film. Thanks to lobbying by fans and the release of Superman Returns earlier this year, Warner Brothers has done something unprecedented: They've let Donner and one of his producers put together a rough cut of the footage that was shot. The result is not quite a finished film but gives you a sense of the sequel we could have had -- essentially, it's Superman II with all of the campiness and stupid beaten out of it. And even with rough transitions, missing pickup shots and closeups, and screen test footage, it's an improvement over the version that was released; like Superman: The Movie, and unlike Lester's Superman II, the Donner cut works from within the material, rather than "above" it, and the central conceit of the Donner films -- that the relationship between Superman and Lois Lane is a tragedy, not a romance -- is much clearer here than in the released version.

It's amazing that this thing has been released -- it's not often that a piece of secret history escapes into the open.

Mitt Romney: WTF?

Can someone please explain the rationale for Mitt Romney's presidential candidacy to me?

Here's a guy whose resume consists of 1) being the son of a presidential candidate who gaffed himself out of the running in 1968; 2) losing a Senate race to Ted Kennedy in 1994; 3) running the Winter Olympics; and 4) one term as governor of Massachusetts, where he didn't seek a second for fear that he'd lose and thus torpedo his presidential ambitions (cf George Felix Allen, Jr.).

Oh, and 5) he's handsome. In a blandly inoffensive way.

I mean, that's it. Granted, my preferred candidate for 2008 was Mark Warner, himself a one-term governor, but at least in his case he was, like all Virginia governors, barred from seeking a second consecutive term -- plus he had a stratospheric approval rating, solid accomplishments in office, and rebuilt the state's Democratic party with wins by Tim Kaine in last year's governor's race and Jim Webb in this year's Senate race.

So I ask: WTF? Who is clamoring for a Romney candidacy, and what does he offer that another candidate with an actual record doesn't also bring to the table?

TiVo alert!

The third series of the insanely funny and surreal Britcom Black Books begins airing on BBC America this Friday night at 10:30 pm Central time. And now I must go buy flowers and chocolates and chocolate flowers and florettes made of chocolate...

Shelley! Shelley! Shelley!

You may recall that in Texas' 22nd Congressional district, Republican Shelley Sekula-Gibbs had to run a write-in campaign after Tom DeLay cut-and-ran from the ballot. Here's an entertaining run-down of some of the many variations on Sekula-Gibbs' name that the district's residents came up with.

Talking in front of the television set: BOSTON LEGAL edition

She Who Must Be Obeyed: How can anyone deliver that line with a straight face?

ME: WILLIAM SHATNER, that's how!

Buffy comics

I can't be the only longtime Buffy fan who's not really looking forward to the upcoming "Season 8" comics, can I? As much as I miss thge show, I don't miss the ungainly mess it had become in the latter two-thirds or so of its final season. And even if Joss reins in his worse story-telling instincts, I have a sinking feeling the new series will mainly try to shove pointless characters like Kennedy, Andrew, and the slayeretts down our throats, each and every issue...

In the words of Moe Syzlak...

...get out, and take your Sacagawea dollars with you.

Senator-elect Jim Webb of Virginia

1,000 words

I've no idea what the provenance of this image a friend sent me is. That doesn't make it any less funny.

Snark.

Best. Election day photo. Ever.

Some people are just plain stupid

For instance, a person who dresses like V and then goes to the White House.

Or a person who, on reading about someone who dresses like V and then goes to the White House, is mystified as to why anyone dressed as V by the White House would attract attention from the Secret Service.

#99

We voted early this morning; at 7:35 I was the 99th person to turn in a ballot; that suggests, based on an utterly unscientific with our 2004 voting experience, somewhat lighter turnout this year. There are many things about life in Minnesota that I find trying or irritating, but I'm very, very glad to live in a state that has clean elections and counts everyone's votes.

I realized my predictions post didn't make any calls about the final partisan breakdown in Congress. I'm going to say the Democrats get to 49 seats in the Senate and take a majority in the House with at least 228 seats.

Zinger of the day

From Slate's appreciation of Bob Barker:

It was the least stylish collection of adult humans I've seen since my last trip to Boston.

Election predictions

A few weeks ago, I made my picks in a friendly election prediction pool. Since the election is just a few days away, I thought I'd share my picks, my current thoughts about those decisions, and then, after the election, I can come back and review how I did. Here they are, broken down by type of race, with the Republican listed first in each listing.

Senate races:

AZ: Jon Kyl v. Jim Pederson
I picked Kyl and still would today, though I'd love to see this be the sleeper surprise of the election season.

CT: Alan Schlesinger v. Ned Lamont v. Joe Liberman
Sadly, I think Lieberman is still going to win this thing. Lamont doesn't seem to have gotten any traction since the primary.

FL: Harris v. Nelson
Nelson has maintained a 20-30 point lead throughout the entire campaign and could probably molest a goat on the steps of the state legislature and still win by a landslide. The only reason I included this race in the pool is because Katherine Harris losing by 20 or more points is really, really, really funny, because she is completely fucking batshit insane.

MD: Steele v. Cardin
Cardin. I just can't see Steele winning this thing, even though some polls have it tightening up.

MI: Bouchard v. Stabenow
Stabenow.

MN: Kennedy v. Klobuchar
Klobuchar. Won't even be close. The good news is that we'll be rid of Gussie Fink-Nottle's Minnesotan cousin; the bad news is that his replacement is likely to be almost as batshit fucking insane as Katherine Harris.

MO: Talent v. McCaskill
I picked Talent three weeks ago, pre-Michael J. Fox. Now I might pick McCaskill. Neither then nor now would I feel a great deal of confidence in that choice; this race has been a dead heat for so long it's agonizing just to watch. I can't imagine what it's like for the candidates.

MT: Burns v. Tester
Tester then, Tester now.

NV: Ensign v. Carter
Ensign, then and now. This would have been uphill no matter what, but Carter's hospitalization early this fall took this one way out of contention.

NJ: Kean v. Menendez
Menendez, though this one may be uncomfortably close. In any other year, Kean would probably have a real shot. But this isn't any other year.

OH: DeWine v. Brown
Brown then, Brown now. DeWine is, electorally speaking, a dead man walking.

PA: Santorum v. Casey
Casey then, Casey now. Good-bye, Ricky!

RI: Chafee v. Whitehouse
Whitehouse.

TN: Corker v. Ford
I picked Ford but I think it's increasingly unlikely that he'll win, as much as I'd like to see that. If I were making the decision with money at stake today, I'd pick Corker.

VT: Tarrant v. Sanders
Sanders then, Sanders now.

VA: Allen v. Webb
I picked Webb because I can't bring myself to vote for Allen for anything, ever. That said, I'd make the same call today and with more confidence than I did a month before election day. Fingers crossed on this one.

WA: McGavick v. Cantwell
Cantwell. And I'll use McGavick's incompetent attempt to get his skeletons out of the closet as an example of how not to inoculate voters against negative information in every political psychology class I teach until I retire.

Governors

AR: Hutchison v. Beebe
Beebe.

CA: Schwarzenegger v. Angelides
Schwarzenegger. Hell, if I lived in CA and could be reasonable sure Arnold 3.0 would stick around, I'd be tempted to vote for him.

IA: Nussle v. Culver
Culver.

MD: Ehrlich v. O'Malley
O'Malley, though with less confidence now than then.

MI: DeVos v. Granholm
Granholm, with more confidence now than then.

MN: Pawlenty v. Hatch v. Hutchinson
I think Pawlenty pulls it out, because I have no confidence in the DFL not to screw up a statewide race.

OH: Blackwell v. Strickland
Strickland. 'bye, Ken.

OR: Saxton v. Kulongoski
Kulongoski holds on.

PA: Swann v. Rendell
Rendell. Won't even be close.

RI: Carcieri v. Fogarty
Then: Fogarty. Now: Carcieri will squeak by.

SC: Sanford v. Moore
Sanford.

TX: Perry v. Bell v. Strayhorn v. Friedman
Included only for the novelty factor of Kinky Friedman. Perry.

WI: Green v. Doyle
Doyle hangs on.

House - This was a pretty nonscientific sampling of likely-to-be-close races.

CT-4: Shays v. Farrell
Farrell, more confidently now than then.

ID-1: Sali v. Grant
Grant, more confidently now than then.

IL-8: McSweeney v. Bean
Bean.

IN-2: Chocola v. Donnelly
The Count is out. Donnelly.

KY-4: Davis v. Lucas
Lucas.

MN-6: Bachman v. Wetterling
Bachman then, Bachman now, though I'm deeply unhappy about it. Wetterling couldn't capitalize on the Foley scandal hard enough to win this.

NC-11: Taylor v. Shuler
Shuler wins something for once. More confidence now than then.

NY-26: Reynolds v. Davis
I picked Davis at the height of Foley. Had I done more research, I would have found out that Davis is a 73-year-old ex-Republican who refuses to campaign or advertise. Reynolds holds on.

PA-7: Weldon v. Sestak
Crazy Curt is toast. And that's deeply satisfying on a personal level.

PA-10: Sherwood v. Carney
The Scranton Strangler is gone. Carney then, Carney now.

We'll see how I did Tuesday night into Wednesday morning.

Always remember (#2 in a series) ...

...it's funny when bad things happen to bad people.

Hey, Beavis, check this out!

I wonder if this traveling exhibit will be coming to town?

Airplane carry-on regulations, made by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

Does this mean I can fucking bring my fucking shampoo onto a fucking airplane without having some fucking TSA goon paw through my fucking bag looking for contraband liquids, gels, and emulsions that can't blow up an airplane in the first place now?

1

Via TV Tattle comes news that Eddie Izzard has quit 24 after one day of filming. If this is a trend, can the annoying and pointless Eric Balfour quit next? What, were the producers thinking that there were so many unanswered questions and dangling plotlines from the handful of episodes his character was in during Season 1 that he had to be brought back to stave off a fan revolt?

Halloween at stately Matter-Eater Manor

1. Either I or She Who Must Be Obeyed says, "Frak! It's October 31st and we didn't buy any candy!"

2. The person who did not say, "Frak! It's October 31st and we didn't buy any candy!" runs outside to remove the bulb from the front porch light to deter trick-or-treaters.

3. Hide in the back part of the house to minimize any signs of life that might encourage trick-or-treaters.

Every. Damn. Year.

Two Georges

George Will on George Felix Allen:

...Allen, who makes no secret of finding life as a senator tedious, is fighting ferociously for another term, a fate from which his Democratic opponent, Jim Webb, is close to rescuing him. As a result, Allen is dabbling in literary criticism. He has read, or someone has read for him, at least some of Webb's six fine novels, finding therein sexual passages that have caused Allen -- he of the football metaphors, cowboy regalia and Copenhagen smokeless tobacco -- to blush like a fictional Victorian maiden and fulminate like an actual Victorian man, Anthony Comstock, the 19th-century scourge of sin who successfully agitated for New York and federal anti-obscenity statutes and is credited with the destruction of 160 tons of naughty printed matter and pictures.

Webb, a highly decorated Marine veteran of Vietnam combat, includes sexual scenes in his fictional depictions of young men far from home and close to combat, something about which he knows a lot and Allen does not.

Two thoughts on Weeds

1. I've never actually been high, but I imagine it's not unlike watching Weeds: You find yourself vaugely dissociated from what's occuring around you, wondering what just happened, and willing to accept just about anything as plausible.

2. Why couldn't Zooey Deschanel have kidnapped ME when I was 12?

Always remember...

...Katherine Harris is batshit fucking insane.

Dueling videos

Which do you prefer, the original "Come On, Eileen" as recorded by Dexy's Midnight Runners...



...or this cover by the ironically named Save Ferris?

Style guide for college writing

At no point should any of the following words appear in your papers:

• douchebag
  
• bullshit
  
• shitting
  

That is all.

Delayed gratification

Me on my way to the comics shop last Wednesday:

"If something happens, and I don't make it back (and here the reader must imagine the expression this statement evoked from She Who Must Be Obeyed), bury me with Seven Soldiers #1."

Fortunately, nothing happened and I read it that evening. And, yeah, the book was just. That. Good.

2002 vs. 2006

I've been waiting for someone to make this comparison:

Let's compare midterm cycles. In 2002, Bush did 71 fundraising events; this year he's done 67. Pretty close, obviously. The difference, however, is that reporters and photographers were barred from just three of these events in 2002, while this year, 33 fundraisers have been closed to the press, including a Republican National Committee dinner last night in Boca Raton, Fla.

In 2002, Bush took part in 32 voter rallies at airports and sports arenas. This year, he's attended one, in Utah, and it was a non-political event on behalf of U.S. troops.

In 2002, Bush attended 12 public rallies. This year, he's attended zero.

Googlebombing the election

Let's strike a blow for liberty, shall we?

--AZ-Sen: Jon Kyl

--AZ-01: Rick Renzi

--AZ-05: J.D. Hayworth

--CA-04: John Doolittle

--CA-11: Richard Pombo

--CA-50: Brian Bilbray

--CO-04: Marilyn Musgrave

--CO-05: Doug Lamborn

--CO-07: Rick O'Donnell

--CT-04: Christopher Shays

--FL-13: Vernon Buchanan

--FL-16: Joe Negron

--FL-22: Clay Shaw

--ID-01: Bill Sali

--IL-06: Peter Roskam

--IL-10: Mark Kirk

--IL-14: Dennis Hastert

--IN-02: Chris Chocola

--IN-08: John Hostettler

--IA-01: Mike Whalen

--KS-02: Jim Ryun

--KY-03: Anne Northup

--KY-04: Geoff Davis

--MD-Sen: Michael Steele

--MN-01: Gil Gutknecht

--MN-06: Michele Bachmann

--MO-Sen: Jim Talent

--MT-Sen: Conrad Burns

--NV-03: Jon Porter

--NH-02: Charlie Bass

--NJ-07: Mike Ferguson

--NM-01: Heather Wilson

--NY-03: Peter King

--NY-20: John Sweeney

--NY-26: Tom Reynolds

--NY-29: Randy Kuhl

--NC-08: Robin Hayes

--NC-11: Charles Taylor

--OH-01: Steve Chabot

--OH-02: Jean Schmidt

--OH-15: Deborah Pryce

--OH-18: Joy Padgett

--PA-04: Melissa Hart

--PA-07: Curt Weldon

--PA-08: Mike Fitzpatrick

--PA-10: Don Sherwood

--RI-Sen: Lincoln Chafee

--TN-Sen: Bob Corker

--VA-Sen: George Allen

--VA-10: Frank Wolf

--WA-Sen: Mike McGavick

--WA-08: Dave Reichert



Go here if this has you scratching your head.

Is this mashed-up "interview" with Ken Blackwell...

A) horrendously unfair;
B) horrendously funny;
C) all of the above?



I can't make up my mind between B and C...

I actually spit soda on my monitor when I read #11.

I thought that was the kind of thing people joked about without it ever actually happening. Anyway, here are the 12 best movie pitches ever, via kottke.

Not dead yet.

Though from the frequency of posting lately, I'd understand why you might think that...

Two years later

It was two years ago today that we lost Christopher Reeve. So take a moment and read Lance Mannion's tribute, won't you?

Trapped in the closet 2: Closet boogaloo

Jeb Bush, why you in the closet?

Right hand, meet left hand

I really don't think the Washington Post intended this headline to run with that picture and logline:

Yeah, I can live with this result.

You scored as The Ninth Doctor (Christoper Eccleston). You liked the Ninth Doctor the most. You may be new to Dr Who, but you like what you've seen so far. Hoorah for Russell T Davies! The Ninth Doctor (Christoper Eccleston) 81% The Sixth Doctor (Colin Baker) 63% The Eighth Doctor (Paul McGann) 56% The First Doctor (William Hartnell) 50% The Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) 38% The Second Doctor (Patrick Troughton) 31% The Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee) 25% The Seventh Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) 25% The Fifth Doctor (Peter Davidson) 19% Which Doctor Who are you? created with QuizFarm.com

People scare me.

For no good reason whatsoever, I did a search on YouTube for a clip from the Simpsons episode in which Marge imagines Catholic Heaven -- a magical realm where Irish, Italian, and Latino folks hang out with Jesus drinking, dancing, and eating for all of eternity. Nothing came up for "catholic heaven" so I searched for "simpsons heaven."

What did I find? Not the object of my search. Just a 22-second video of Ashlee Simpson, barefoot, on 7th Heaven, which apparently does something for some folks. Creepy.

But not as creepy as the fact that it's fourth in a series of such videos. Who knew?

It's alive

Dennis Hastert really does look just like one of Ralph Steadman's more revolting cartoons come to life, doesn't he?

Weird.

Our cable carries about a dozen different Showtime channels. Late yesterday afternoon, three of them were airing Jena Malone movies, and she was playing a pregnant teenager in two of them. Weird.

This word you are using, "service," I do not think it means what you think it means.

Is there anything more useless on the planet than the Post Office's package tracking? Whenever I have the choice, I have packages shipped via any other carrier, but I don't always have the choice and so I have a fair amount of experience with USPS package delivery. I have never, ever, ever, ever had a package go past the "Electronic Shipping Info Received" stage of the tracking process, EVEN AFTER IT'S BEEN DELIVERED. Jerks.

Random TV thoughts

• I really, really, really hope Kevin Federline wasn't taking notes on last week's episode of Law & Order.
  
• Following the recent cast purge, are there any SNL cast members beside Darrel Hammond left who aren't covered by the new, more restrictive contracts instituted a few years ago?
  
• I enjoy Scrubs but can't stand the whiny Elliot Reed or the butterfaced (in the more literal sense of the word, i.e., her face sort of looks like it's made of butter) Sarah Chalke, the actress who plays her. Watching Without A Trace last night, I wish they'd cast Poppy Montgomery in the role instead.
  
• Heroes isn't going to be very good at all, is it?
  
• But it will still probably be better than the new season of Smallville.
  
• The Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo movie was a much better ending for the series than was the strangely melancholy actual final episode of the show. But how do you make a Teen Titans movie without including an unadulterated version of that awesome theme music?
  
• Thank God we don't have to see Gil Grissom's weird, immaculately manscaped facial hair any more on CSI. What was up with that?
  
• We're now up to three shows a week where we have to record whatever comes after them to make sure we can see the whole episode. Two of these are due to the perversities of network programmers; the third is because of football. Why is that sport, alone among them, allowed to run over its alloted time on a routine basis? Jerks.
  

It is, however, rainy and miserable in Minneapolis.

Get well, Roger!

Why don't you stop by the Get Well, Roger project and offer Roger Ebert a thumbs-up to good health?

Malcom Gladwell (hearts) Donna Martin.

The producers of Smallville have, I think, finally found my tipping point after two seasons of trying.

Presents!

Tucked in among the rest of DC's solicitations for December is this:

SUPERMAN: BACK IN ACTION TP
Written by Kurt Busiek, Fabian Nicieiza, Len Wein and Gerry Conway
Art by Pete Woods and José Luis García-López
Cover by Dave Gibbons
Collecting ACTION COMICS 841-843! An alien race is collecting unique specimens from Earth— and the Man of Steel is first on the list! Plus,Kurt Busiek introduces stories from DC COMICS PRESENTS #4, #17 and #24! Guest-starring Nightwing, Aquaman, Firestorm, the Metal Men, Deadman and more!

If you've gotta pad out a trade collection to justify its publication, Bronze Age Superman reprints drawn by the masterful Jose-Luis Garcia-Lopez are far from the worst you can do, especially if you get them from a fun comic like DC Comics Presents. I'm not sure ANYTHING from that series has ever been collected other than the New Teen Titans preview that ran in #26. This will tide me over until the day we get a big fat black and white reprint edition of DC SHOWCASE PRESENTS DC COMICS PRESENTS...

The Greatest Movie Never Made

"The Warriors Meet Blacula."

Discuss.

TV helps your brain!

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or horrified to see that I'm not the only person who beat House to a diagnosis last night thanks to watching too much CSI.

Insomnia + Public Access Television

Last night (OK, this morning) I was channel surfing and came across the following:

• An excerpt from The Warriors in which the titular, not-at-all-homoerotic gang fights the Baseball Furies;
  
• A cut to the "set" of a cable access talk show;
  
• The host, speaking in a melange of Minn-e-SOH-tah and Chicago accents, announcing, "I shit you not, this movie caused RIOTS all over the country. I saw it at the old Skyway. Joining us now is reknowned power lifter Peter Hoecherl, who also sculpts gargoyles."
  

And after that I was able to fall asleep.

Watch this now.

That is all.

Why didn't I think of that?

Best. Cafepress T-shirts. Ever.

Not quite there yet.

Amazon just sent me an e-mail altering me to the fact that they've cut the price of Star Trek V from $12.99 to $10.99. That's still $10.99 too much. I think the only way I could have brought myself to own this one would be if Paramount had let Shatner do a director's edition. That, at least, would have had some entertainment value...

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

How awesome was SNAKES ON A PLANE, which I just saw on the biggest motherfucking movie screen in Minnesota? So awesome my iPod knew how awesome the movie was. On the way, set to random, it played the following as a warmup to the movie:

• Are You Ready to be Heartbroken? - Sandie Shaw
  
• Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
  
• Queen Bitch - David Bowie
  
• Angel of Harlem - U2
  
• Making Time - Creation
  
• Walls Come Tumbling Down - The Jam
  
• Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
  

You're probably reading this and thinking to yourself, "Wow, if I ever got such an awesome string of songs in a row from my iPod, I wonder how long it would take until I got another set of songs that even came close to surpassing its awesomeness?"

In my case?

RIGHT AFTER THE MOVIE.

Coming home, driving 75 miles an hour down an empty highway with the window down and the volume way up, I was treated to this agglomeration of music:

• Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe - Barry White
  
• Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses (That's right, the most awesome song in the universe TWICE!)
  
• (Don't Fear) the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
  
• Sweet Talkin' Woman - ELO
  
• Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp
  
• R.A.M.O.N.E.S. - The Ramones
  

How do you know when a movie is that than which no other movie may be more awesome?

When it's called SNAKES ON A PLANE, that's when.

Note to self

Don't fuck with Charles Durning. (Via James Nicoll.)

Just the facts, ma'am.

Ask a stupid question...

Slate asks the following about George Felix Allen Jr.:



The answer is twofold: 1) Yes; and 2) That's really never stopped anyone before, now, has it?

It depends on what your definition of "planet" is.

A committee of scientists has revised the criteria for planethood; if accepted, the number of planets in our solar system would expand from 9 to 12 and possible higher:

Among the chosen few within the solar system would be not only Pluto, whose status has been challenged in recent years, but also Ceres, the largest asteroid; 2003 UB313, nicknamed Xena, an object discovered by Dr. Brown in 2005 orbiting far beyond Pluto in the outer solar system; and even Pluto’s largest moon, Charon.

In addition, at least a dozen more solar system objects are waiting in the wings for more data to see if they fit the new definition of planethood, which is that an object be massive enough that gravity has formed it into a sphere and that it circles a star and not some other planet.

The definition, they said, would apply both inside and outside the solar system.

The new definition was to be announced today in Prague, where some 2,500 astronomers are meeting in the triannual assembly of the International Astronomical Union. It is the work of the group’s Planet Definition Committee, whose chairman is Owen Gingerich, a Harvard astronomer. The astronomers will vote on the definition on Aug. 25.

However, the question remains: What about Bizarro World? Will the new emphasis on roundness mean that our square sister planet will no longer be a planet? And who gets to break the news to Bizarro?

Super.

So not long ago Superman III was on TV. It's a terrible movie, with none of the grandeur and weight of the orignal Richard Donner film and a nonsensical plot and, well, Richard Pryor. There's almost nothing to recommend it to anyone.

Almost.

Because it's still got Christopher Reeve playing Superman. And even trapped in this horrible movie, he found ways to make his portrayal work. It's the little things. There's an overlong, unfunny extended opening to the film that tries very very hard to be hysterical, and it isn't, and what's more unfunny than that? At one point, a car crashes into and on top of a fire hydrant and fills with water, for some reason --

-- look, I TOLD you it was terrible --

-- and Superman rescues the driver and lifts him out of the flooded car, as Superman does.

And then, once he's made sure the driver's fine, Superman shakes the driver's hand.

That's awesome, in a peculiarly Supermanic way; he's honored to have had the chance to help you and he's thrilled you're OK and he takes a second to convey that with a casual gesture.

And then he flies off to do it again.

The snarkiest web ad in the world

Phil, Phil, Phil...

We both went to school with people more famous than Angela...

Page 123

De has tagged me with the following:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your Blog/Live Journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag five people.

From The Lanahan Readings in the American Polity (Third Edition):

This is not to say that these variables don't play a role in making public policy - clearly they do. Nevertheless, our explanation for gridlock focuses on two primary factors: (1) the preferences of members of Congress regarding particular policies, and (2) super-majority institutions - the Senate filibuster and the presidential veto....

The idea is really quite straightforward. When considering the U.S. Congress, instead of thinking which party is in control, think of the members as arrayed from left to right - liberal to conservative. The further left a member is positioned, the more that member favors increased government activity on health care, the environment, education, and so on.

Tag:

• She Who Must Be Obeyed
  
• Phil
  
• Simon
  
• Lefty Brown
  
• Elisha Cuthbert

Burying the lede

Via Obscure Store comes this tale of a man hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus in Iowa City. Which begs the question, what the hell is the Girls Gone Wild bus doing in Iowa City?

Genius. Sheer and utter genius.

Not actually love, actually

Rodrigo Santoro is joining the cast of Lost. The only place you may remember him from is Love, Actually, in which he played the object of Laura Linney's workplace crush.

When we saw that movie, we found ourselves sitting in front of some little old ladies and so we held our breath in anticipation of the nigh-inevitable mid-film chatter. Lucky for us, they actually knew how to behave during a movie and were silent throughout..except for one incident which was too funny to get mad at.

You see, there's a fairly intimate scene in the movie between Linney and Santoro. Early in this sequence, as the camera lingered on Santoro, we heard one of the pepperpots say, "Oh, he's gorgeous." And, well, I imagine he is, if you go for that sort of thing, so no harm, no foul.

A few minutes later, Santoro is down to his black designer skivvies. And in response, the same pepperpot announces to the theatre, "Oh, he's really gorgeous!"

We tried, as best we could, to keep our convulsive laughter silent.

The Office: The Webisodes

Precisely two people on the planet will understand why I both laughed and cringed at this bit from a review of NBC's online mini-episodes of The Office:

The Accountants is a particularly good showcase for Brian Baumgartner, who plays the fat and enigmatic Kevin. Baumgartner's body splits the difference between Dilbert's and Sydney Greenstreet's, and he lets all kinds of sweet and creepy smiles play out on his sly lips. He seems like the kind of guy who would procrastinate by watching this show in his polyester work space and then blow off the rest of the afternoon trying to dream up something better.

Our next President

...at least on 24, will be Wayne Palmer, brother of the late former President David Palmer. I can't say this is a development that thrills me; 24 has done far too much with of playing musical Presidents, and it's hard to picture Wayne as being suited for the job after watching him screw up one thing after another during Season Three. Plus, it would have been nice to see some more of Ray Wise, who did a good job with very little to do it with in the relatively thankless role of playing Vice President Gardner last season; the character only existed as a red herring, but Wise gave Gardner some real depth in just a few episodes.

Still, if the creators of 24 felt like they had to go this route, I wish they'd at least have set Day Six on the day of inauguration, and somehow worked the shift in administrations into the plot. We've seen any number of scenarios in which an unplanned change of leadership has wreaked havoc in a crisis situation; why not explore how a shift that everyone on the planet knows is coming can change things this time around?

Law & Order in order

This is nifty: A graphic timeline of who's been on Law & Order over the years. It's suprising to see how long Jessie L. Martin's been on the show; for some reason I still think of him as the new guy. And I'm always sad to be reminded of what a short run Carrie Lowell had as Jack McCoy's assistant...

About bloody damn time

Waking the Dead, a superbly and subtly done BBC forensic drama, is finally coming out on DVD in the US. We've been watching on BBC America, but the episodes are dramatically edited down to fit the time alotted (for some reason, BBCA has no problems putting comedies in 40-minute slots to avoid cutting them, but has no compunctions about trimming dramas down to fit into an hour or two-hour slot). So while we enjoy it a great deal, we often have to do an episode post-mortem on the couch to figure out exactly how the case was resolved.

The show is described at the link above as a "British CSI," but it's much closer in concept to the bland Cold Case. Like CSI, however, the eccentric lead detective inexplicably grows a rather ugly beard between the third and fourth seasons of the show.

The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers; or, The Flash on DVD

We just finished watching the pilot episode of the 1990-1991 Flash TV series that aired on CBS. At the time, I hadn't realized just how violent it was. I think more police officers were killed in the 90 minutes of that pilot than in the entire history of real-life American law enforcement.

And a funny sign of the times: The Flash, in his secret identity, is police scientist Barry Allen, who doesn't get much respect from his fellow police and isn't considered a "real" cop by his father. Poor Barry was ahead of his time; ten years later or so, and he'd be one among dozens of forensic cops on the network...

Insert "Thing" pun of your choice here

I certainly appreciate the dedication and creativity that this guy used to make a costume of The Thing from, uh, actual rock. But, boy, the finished product really gives Ben Grimm some monster cameltoe action, doesn't it?

Very short Batman: Dark Detective review

Well, THAT was depressing.

Slightly longer review: It's very possible for something to be very well-done and yet end on such a downbeat note that you feel like crap after reading it. This is one of those things.

Laws of Attraction

Julianne Moore is one of the best dramatic actresses working today. She is also one of the most beautiful women on the planet. She is not, however, funny. And yet there's something endrearing about just how hard she works when she's in a comedy, which is surprisingly often considering that her strengths lie elsewhere; as a result, her comedies are one of my guilty moviewatching pleasures.

Laws of Attraction, starring Moore and Pierce Brosnan, is a case in point. Moore and Brosnan star as divorce lawyers who, through a series of wacky hijinks that are not particularly wacky nor high nor even jinksish wind up married to one another in the midst of a case in which each is representing half of a divorcing couple. As a high concept, it's not an awful one, and the filmmakers were clearly trying to make something in the spirit of a 1930s screwball comedy, but the movie doesn't make a lick of sense and the actors' considerable charms are nowhere near enough to cover gaping holes in plot and logic.

It does have some scenes that were shot on location in Ireland. I hope everyone involved had a nice time.

For the love of all that's holy...

...would someone PLEASE give Kiera Knightly a cheeseburger? She looks like she could turn in the wrong direction and put some innocent bystander's eye out at any moment.

Snort.

I think this might be my favorite comics message board comment ever.

X-Men: Evolution

Lately we've been catching up with X-Men: Evolution via Netflix. This cartoon's a curious specimen; the high concept -- "It's the X-Men! And they're in high school!" -- sounds like the kind of thing a TV executive trying to appeal to The Young People would come up with after a three-martini lunch. But what could have been goofy instead has a charming earnestness to it, the character designs are stylized in a fun way, and the missteps (such as "Spyke," the lamest character ever) are outweighed by the good bits.

The DVDs, in lieu of commentaries, feature episode introductions by the creators of the series. Amusingly, they all look like they should be members of the Syracuse Chamber of Commerce, not animators. That greatly entertains me, for some reason, and I like the idea of these guys knowing what they're trying to do and working really, really hard to do it well.

The movie.

I liked it.

It wasn't Superman: The Movie, but what could be? Oddly, the very things that gave me pause prior to seeing the movie, and still make me wonder how the hell they could ever make a sequel to Superman Returns, are also the things I like. The temptation with this sort of a movie, I think, often is to do an impersonal, respectful take that hits the right notes but doesn't actually DO anything. But the weirder aspects of the movie -- and I'll steer clear of saying anything too spoilerish for now -- also make it a much more idiosyncratic and personal and affecting story. I'm not sure it works or holds together or makes a great deal of sense, but it's got its own point of view and perspective beneath the set pieces and special effects and that gives it a charge that it might otherwise have lacked. It reminds me more of something like Kurt Busiek's Superman: Secret Identity or one of the weird Elliot S! Maggin Superman annuals from the early 80s than a "normal" Superman story. And that's a good thing.

I say all of this as someone who was deeply, deeply skeptical of this movie all through the production process; most of the dribs and drabs of information we got were as likely to fill me with dread as anticipation. Nevertheless: I liked it, and I recommend it, and I recommend going in with an open mind.

The suit.

Like a lot of comics fans, I was underwhelmed by the first images of the Superman suit for the new movie. The collar was too high, the reds were too dark -- approaching brown in some shots from some angles -- the boots were needlessly fussy, the texture on the blue was weird, the seams were too big and too bold, the embossed, raised "S" wasn't right.

In still photos, all of these things are true.

In motion, on a big movie screen, the damn thing actually works, for the most part. The dark red isn't the stopping point it looks like in photos, the texture on the blue looks line, the seams fade away almost to nothing, and the "S" looks no more or less weird or wonky than, say, Gil Kane's stylised rendition as compared to something like Jerry Ordway's more mainline one.

The one early complaint that still holds is the belt buckle. For some reason, instead of leaving the belt alone, with the simple yellow oval buckle of the comics and previous movie costumes, the designers chose to replace it with a miniature version of the "S" logo.

It doesn't work. It's not awful, but it's distracting and silly and breaks up the look of the costume in a number of key scenes, mainly because the "holes" in the logo are colored red. If it were a solid yellow, it probably wouldn't matter, or even be much noticed, but as is it's a pretty weird costume element.

Still, given my early apprehensions, the suit was a very pleasant surprise.

28 Years Later

I'm pretty sure Superman: The Movie was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater; if I'm wrong about that, I never want to be corrected. When it came out in 1978, I was three. I don't remember a single thing about seeing the movie that first time, except that when I got home I started running around in my Superman underoos (eventually my grandmother to made me a red cape with an "S" to go with it). Since then, I've seen the movie at least a hundred times on TV or video, which is not so awful when you break that down over thirty years. So you could say I've seen it a lot, and could hum the theme music by John Williams more or less in my sleep.

And, boy, is that theme about as close to perfect as any movie music has ever been.

And last night, sitting in the weird multiplex in the middle of nowhere, hearing that theme used again in the opening sequence of the new movie in a darkened theatre in full surround sound, I felt goosebumps that I didn't even know I had. I felt like that little kid who didn't quite get that Superman: The Movie wasn't a documentary -- hell, I'm STILL not quite convinced of that -- all over again.

As I've said: Best. Wife. Ever.

What makes someone the Best Wife Ever? Stuff like this:

Last night at 9:41 pm I remembered that there were 10pm screenings of Superman Returns. It was far too late to try to make even the closest theatre to our house.

So Best Wife Ever, a.k.a. She Who Must Be Obeyed, decided that going to a late premiere on a weeknight was the kind of thing we don't do enough of anymore since we got older and less irresponsible got online and found an 11 pm screening at a weird multiplex in the middle of nowhere and we hopped in the car and saw the movie.

More about which later.

But for now: Best. Wife. Ever.

I am shocked, yes, SHOCKED!

My faith in HGTV has been shaken to its core by this first-hand account of what it's really like to go on the inaptly named FreeStyle:

The show's premise is that you can redecorate a room and solve all of your design problems absolutely free . By simply rearranging existing furniture, bringing in overlooked treasures from other rooms and getting rid of whatever is deemed unnecessary (and unattractive), anyone can create a photo-worthy habitat. The idea was even cheaper than yet another HGTV hit, "Design on a Dime." In my case, according to the HGTV Web site, designers would pull off "a dramatic new look without spending a dime!"

Well, okay, so maybe a dime. During the audition phase, the producer allowed as how the reality show really does budget $200 or so to spend on each apartment. I promised not to mention this during my fleeting appearances on camera.

One other thing: Prior to giving me the green light, the same producer confirmed with me several times that I would be willing to spend my own money on an additional piece of furniture of the designer's choosing. It seemed that absolutely free would be an abstract notion from the get-go.
[...]

I learned a few design tricks as the day progressed. For instance, books are primarily visual props, not meant for reference or reading. They should be placed in random horizontal, vertical and diagonal patterns in a bookcase for maximum visual stimulation. Forget genre; books should be arranged strictly by size. Every table should have two or three books of bright colors "carelessly" lying on it, along with an empty knickknack box and a mini bouquet of fresh roses.

In the end, I hated it. The room was double-stuffed with furniture, leaving almost no floor space left to walk on. Every other room of the apartment was nearly empty. Apparently, the designer had something against fireplaces and bay windows, the very features that led me to rent the place, because she hid one behind the daybed and the other behind a sofa. But she was pleased with the result: more seating for Washington-style entertaining.

After the cameras stopped rolling at 10:30 p.m., my sense of self and voice returned. I asked the burly guys to move half the furniture out of the living room and back to where I actually needed it. While the decorator pouted, adorable cameraman Andy helped me move everything around and came up with a final design that I liked. Alas, the real interior design will never be on the air.

Targeted advertising

Ever since I read Wired's article about the guys trying to reverse engineer Netflix so they can use it for porn, I've been paying more attention to the packaging our movies arrive in. Netflix has been selling ad space on the inside of the detachable flap on its envelopes for a while, but today I noticed that the ads seemed to be tailored to the movies they came with. X-Men: Evolution got a Superman Returns ad, while Scrubs came with an ad for Adam Sandler's upcoming movie. Not the sharpest targeting, but still interesting to note. Perhaps the porn guys will also notice, and put this principle to use...

Re: Action Comics

I don't have the time to do a rundown of DC's September offerings (Short version: Yay for All-Star Superman and Showcase Presents: Phantom Stranger). But I do want to point out a near almost-homage. That month's issue of Action Comics, #843 for those of you keeping track, sports this Dave Gibbons cover:



And I can't help but wonder if it's a shout-out to this much, much older cover from Action Comics #52:



That cover jumped out at me years ago, when I bought a small book reprinting the covers of the first 300 issues of Action Comics. I always thought it would have been cool to revisit it as a cover during the Reign of the Supermen storyarc, when there were four would-be replacement Supermen running around the comics. In this case, there's not much similarity between the comics beyond the general concept of "Superman and allies run toward the reader" but it's still neat.

And it's fun to see the inclusion of Busiek's revamped Aquaman and Skyrocket, late of Power Company, included as well; I for one welcome nepotistic continuity when it involves creators I like.

"I'll take 'More time than I have ever had on my hands' for $800, Alex."

That's what it would take for me to do something like this incredibly elaborate Doctor Octopus costume.

House

Earlier tonight USA showed the pilot episode of House. I hadn't seen it since it first aired two years ago, so I watched a few minutes. What was striking about it was how different the pilot was shot; it was, basically, a black and white with various shades of orange and brown show. I'd completely forgotten that, and now I'm curious to see whether the shift to more naturalistic filming took place immediately afterward or as the first season progressed.

It was also striking to see Jennifer Morrison not look like she'd snap in twain if a stiff wind caught her at the proper angle. Why do these actresses emaciate themselves like that? It's just plain depressing.